The Realest Of All Jobs
Sam Sykes ~ 10/8/2024
A while back I wrote a piece criticizing some of the fakest jobs that exist right now. In an effort to avoid looking like the most negative asshole around, I’ve decided to make a list of occupations that deserve a little more than an attaboy. There’s tons of real jobs that require true toughness, grit, bravery, and intelligence to be effective in their respective fields. This list was impossible to get right, there were just so many jobs that deserved to be on the list. Here are some of the realest jobs:
Oil Rigging
Drilling oil is a complicated, dangerous, and demanding job that we all take for granted. Complaining about libs doubling the price of gas is about the extent of our acknowledgement of this industry. No one understands just how important these guys are. Drilling is not as straightforward as it sounds, there are a ton of different strategies and methods of extracting oil from various geological situations. Each with their own challenges and dangers for each job. A masculine job if there ever was one, male dominated does not begin to describe how the entirety of drilling workforces are fundamentally men. The only ones doing any real work on an oil rig anyways.
Cops (Excluding Chicks)
With the exception of females, police officers are some of the hardest working and bravest people on the planet. The ladies generally just get their asses kicked, run their stupid mouths, and get their male co-workers into unnecessary brawls. Excluding them for being the affirmative action hires they are, we are left with real cops. A damned if you do, and damned if you don’t job, these guys are constantly putting themselves in harms’ way to protect communities that fucking hate them. It takes a special person with a strong moral compass to navigate the occupation of police officer in today’s America. Good luck boys! The media wants your head.
REAL Mechanic
The franchise mechanic shops are full of dudes who failed out of tech school, have been paying child support since they were 17, and are basically McDonalds workers that learned how to do oil changes. They’re fucking stupid. But, if you can find a dud that owns his own shop and does all the work himself, you’ve hit the motherlode. On a personal note, my guy is one of those high-functioning autistic guys that was born without the ability to deceive, but gifted with knowing certain cars inside and out. Saying it’s his “passion” would be misleading, it’s more like an obsession. A true mechanic is one of the realest jobs around.
Loggers
This job used to be way cooler when it was just dudes swinging axes and dragging logs with pure manpower, but it is still a pretty badass job. Despite the new advancements in logging technology, the job remains very physically demanding when these guys are navigating various intense terrains and inclines. For most of these operations the guys are paid based on how much work they actually complete and logs they haul, not like teachers or cashiers who get paid just for showing up.
Fisherman and Lobstering
The average American eats over 20 pounds of seafood per year, and the demand is rising year over year. Fish is healthy and until recently, was pretty cost effective. Fisherman and lobster trappers are very important to maintaining the food supply of the United States and lots of other countries. From way up in Alaska down to the continental U.S., from sea to shining sea, brave salt-hardened men fight treacherous weather, freezing temperatures, and life-threatening danger to keep food on all of our tables. Like loggers, they “eat what they kill” and get paid generally for what they bring in and not just time worked.
Pilots
One of the scariest actions against safety happening in the west right now is the destruction of testing standards, and dedication to handicapping the most qualified job candidates for less-talented aggrieved groups. This may not be a safety issue for the CEO of Red Lobster, but it is for those flying planes, it’s gearing up to be catastrophic. Being a pilot is one of the easiest jobs… 99% of the time. It’s the 1% you really don’t wanna fuck with. When shit goes sideways in the air we trust these old white dudes with small mustaches with our lives.
There’s lots of other jobs like road pavers, Coast Guard rescue swimmers, welders, and so many more that contribute so much to society in a litany of ways. We can’t name them all here, because no one wants to read a 10,000-word article, but there are more than enough occupations that put the weak and fake jobs of our time to shame.
