An Ode To The Villains Pt.1
Sam Sykes ~ 01/14/2024
I wrote a few weeks ago about the passion of Eagles fans, and the hostility they show to opposing fans. By now, everyone has seen the viral video of an eagles fan accosting a young woman adorned in Packers gear. While the guy WAS acting like a total asshole, the chick should not be surprised that she got that kind of reaction, and the chick’s boyfriend is a total cuck calling for the internet to cancel the unruly fan instead of knocking his teeth out. A little tribalism is good, in England, you could get your ass kicked for wearing the wrong color near the stadium, and this chick only got yelled at for being all decked out in the opposing team’s gear during a playoff game. Morons on all sides.
That being said, I’ve used my position of power here at Riot Club to give the villains a voice. To help the unfairly attacked, the righteously mean, and the tenaciously rebellious has always been a mission of mine. The now infamous Eagles fan may be a stupid fuck, but does he really deserve to lose his job? I dedicate this article to all the villains that haven’t gotten a fair shake.
Movie Villains:
Colonel Miles Quaritch
The bad guy from the James Cameron movie Avatar, the colonel represents humans on the planet of Pandora as he attempts to obtain resources needed for Earth’s survival. From the start of the movie we are supposed to hate him as he violently pursues victory. Sorry, but that’s war. We’ll get some pussy in there to rule things after the men are done fucking up the enemy. As a member of the human race that is not obsessed with self-hatred like the dweebs that loved Avatar, I actually like the Colonel. A man that is hyper-focused and determined to save the human race by any means necessary, even at the cost of his own life. Sounds like a hero to me.
The Government in E.T.
Usually, I am not the biggest fan of the government, that being said, I totally get why they wanted to experiment on E.T. First off, for the younger generations like myself, we don’t understand the draw of having this weird wrinkly thing living in the house and hanging out with some kid. He’s weird and should be killed.
Dr. Houseman
The father of Baby in the chick-loved film Dirty Dancing, Dr. Houseman brings his family to this nice resort for an extended vacation and his 17-year-old daughter falls in love with some 25-year-old dance instructor at the resort. It goes without saying, but this is not ideal for the good doctor. He’s painted as some kind of villain because he wants to protect his daughter from this transient resort worker from fucking his daughter. A normal, good guy.
Vernon Wormer, Dean of Faber College
I love Animal House, and it’s anti-college message… But I sort of get it. Throughout the movie Dean Wormer is trying to throw out the rogue fraternity plaguing his school, and for good reason. It’s not like it’s just some personal grudge, although it’s personal too, the “Deltas” engaged in insane behavior and it’s the dean’s job to sort it out. They destroyed shit, through wild parties, killed a horse, and were terrible students. The dean even charged them with dying the swimming pool and exploding toilets every year.
Real Life Villains:
The Tiger King
This guy is in jail for what seems like no reason. I mean he did go after “that bitch Carol Baskin” quite a bit, but ultimately he was all talk. He never really did anything that bad. I think he should be the first pardon of the Trump administration. Not really based on any reason besides how awesome his content is. I mean, the man had sex with tigers, give him another show! He helped distract us all through the draconian lockdowns of 2020, and that should be reason enough to help him. #FreeTheKing
READ PART TWO HERE
