The March Madness Special
Mike Leitao ~ 03/19/2025
I fucked up. I made a mistake that has been haunting me and ruining my life. I can’t eat, sleep, or generally do anything with my life until I get this huge mistake off my chest. I forgot about March Madness. I really had the audacity to talk about the month of March and not mention what is undoubtedly the best part. To my friends, family, and supporters, I want to apologize for letting you down and promise to do better. For my haters, just because you got me today does not mean you will get me again. I plan to be back better than ever before after this mistake, I hope you can all forgive me.
On a serious note, how the hell did I forget about March Madness. Other than the drafts I do for fantasy football and hockey there is nothing I love more in the sports world than loading up my little bracket and pretending to know anything about college basketball as I predict one of the hardest things in the world. I don’t follow college basketball at all, but you can bet your ass I’m making at least 2 brackets every year for this shit. This year means slightly more to me than past however, as my Alma Mater is playing in the tournament so I’m very excited for that even if they are more than likely gonna get smacked around (Let’s go RMU). I thought I would provide a throwback to good ol’ from the couch with short opinions on the games, but this time before they happen. If I offend your favorite team or say something you disagree with, I do not care at all, I honestly don’t know anything about college basketball.
First 4 Games:
I don’t care about these. Honestly couldn’t even tell you who is playing. One thing I will say is I don’t understand how you have teams playing for the 11 seed and the loser doesn’t make it, wouldn’t the loser logically be better than the 12 through 16 seeds? I don’t know, seems weird.
Auburn vs Alabama State:
Wrong Alabama, these guys were barely above .500, classic trash ass 1 vs 16 matchup.
Louisville vs Creighton:
Louisville feels like they should be a basketball school but honestly aren’t even that good. It kinda pisses me off. I don’t even know where Creighton is though so let’s go Louisville.
Michigan vs UC San Diego:
My understanding is Michigan isn’t good at 3 point shooting and 12 seeds beat 5 seeds a lot. Sounds like a UC San Diego win in round one to me.
Texas A&M vs Yale:
How the hell Ivy League schools got good basketball programs. Shouldn’t these guys be studying to be lawyers or some shit? Texas A&M wins the game but Yale students most likely win at life in the long run.
Ole Miss vs TBD:
Seeing as I don’t know who TBD is, I guess Ole Miss wins.
Iowa State vs Lipscomb:
What the fuck is a Lipscomb? Is it a city? A sex toy? No clue, but would give someone with a stutter a panic attack so that’s fun. Iowa State wins though.
Marquette vs New Mexico:
Jimmy Butler went to Marquette (I think), so that’s cool. I’m pretty sure Ja Morant went to Murray State which I always confuse with Marquette for some reason, so let’s say they win.
Michigan State vs Bryant:
People are saying Michigan State is really good, so sure we can pick them to win. No one cares about Bryant anyways.
Florida vs Norfolk State:
Florida is getting picked by a lot of people to win the whole thing, so hoping they lose in round 1 for the bit. Won’t bet against them though, sorry Norfolk State.
UConn vs Oklahoma:
Wasn’t UConn like really good recently? And so was their women’s team in pretty sure. Seems like the dominant reign is over though so I’ll take Oklahoma.
Memphis vs Colorado State:
Memphis has a cool logo, Colorado State does not. That is enough to convince me to take the 5 over the 12.
Maryland vs Grand Canyon:
Grand Canyon would be cooler if it was actually, like, in the Grand Canyon. Since it’s not, Maryland wins.
Missouri vs Drake:
Say Drake, I hear you like ‘em young. Kendrick gonna go crazy if Drake wins so let’s predict that.
Texas Tech vs UNC Wilmington:
Did yall know Patrick Mahomes went to Texas Tech? Combine that with that fact I don’t know if UNC Wilmington is in North Carolina or Delaware and you gotta take the Mahomes team.
Kansas vs Arkansas:
This is a funny name matchup. Kansas is good at basketball (I think) so they win.
St. John’s vs Omaha:
In my heart I want Omaha to win and go far. Omaha’s logo is just a big red O but it’s more funny then dumb. We pray for Omaha, we expect St. John’s.
Duke vs TBD;
Duke is good, TBD is TBD. Duke wins.
Oregon vs Liberty:
Oregon feels like a school that would have a decent basketball team that makes March Madness with good consistency but always loses in the first or second round. We will say they win a round this year.
Arizona vs Akron:
If LeBron was on Akron, I’d probably take them. Unfortunately he isn’t, so I’m taking Arizona.
BYU vs VCU:
A lot of letters here. Never bet against the Mormons, those boys are wet with it (yes this a soakers joke).
Wisconsin vs Montana:
Montana feels like a school with a random white player who will help his team pull off an upset or two and become a fan favorite. Unfortunately I don’t think they actually do, so we go to Wisconsin.
Saint Mary’s vs Vanderbilt:
Vanderbilt was fucking up good teams in college football last year, let’s have them continue that trend in college basketball too.
Alabama vs Robert Morris:
The marquee matchup. A powerhouse vs an underdog. I don’t care about Alabama's pace or scoring, I GOT RMU WINNING.
Houston vs SIUE:
Deadass what the fuck is SIUE. It sounds like a government program. Houston mops them.
Gonzaga vs Georgia:
Gonzaga wins the name contest, unfortunately Georgia wins the slightly more important basketball contest.
Clemson vs McNeese:
Apparently a lot of people bet on McNeese last year and they shit the bed, so I’m gonna assume they do that again and choose Clemson.
Purdue vs High Point:
Who the hell are you, a school called High Point? Is that a city? Is it high? So many questions, so Purdue beats them so they can go figure out the answers.
Illinois vs TBD:
Think we already know how I feel about TBD teams. You can guess who’s winning.
UCLA vs Utah State:
No analysis, no reason, no nothing. For absolutely no reason other than vibes, Utah State wins.
Tennessee vs Wofford:
Tennessee is my pick to win the entire tournament. No clue how likely that is or if they are projected to have a legit chance, but those are my boys this March I decided.
God Damn that was a lot. Well, I’m sure these will be incredibly wrong and most of my predictions will age awfully, but let’s be honest, that’s how you know it’s March.
