Inventions Of Color
Sam Sykes ~ 02/26/2024
In the Riot Club office we have been celebrating black history month, hard. We’ve enjoyed traditionally black foods, frequented the Philadelphia subway system, and hung up pictures of MLK, Malcom X, and Whoopi Goldberg everywhere. Side Note: I can’t believe she named herself Whoopi because she farts a lot, (NOT a joke) and Goldberg because she wanted to sound Jewish (Racist). Ted Danson is a fucking loser. Anyways, Riot Club cares about black Americans and their contributions to society. Many black people have been credited with inventing several products that are simply not true. It is patronizing to ignore real black inventors and replace them with those chicks from Hidden Figures. Well, I won’t let the powers that be erase good men so they can keep lying. Let’s debunk the frauds and celebrate the real inventors.
First, The Fakes:
Hidden Figures
I briefly mentioned this earlier, but everyone loves to act like a few black women got America to the moon in the height of the Space Race. Not only were their contributions greatly exaggerated in the film, but true equality would have looked like how all the other men at their position were remembered. They could’ve just been like the autistic nerds that they worked with and quietly retired to Boca Raton, but Hollywood had other plans. Basically every monumental moment in that film is fictional, the smashing of the colored women bathroom sign, the close relationship between the black girls, and the racist guy in the film are all fake.
The Potato Chip
George Crum is widely considered in the United States to be the creator of the potato chip. I remember seeing his portrait up on the elementary school walls next to a bunch of pringles cans as a kid. The only issue is that this claim has been thoroughly debunked. He never declared himself as the inventor of the potato chip, it was just some weird legend that snowballed into a universally-accepted fact. British chef William Kitchiner invented the chip in 1817.
Automatic Gear Shift
This next guy should get credit for the updates he made to various products and patents he held for many different inventions, but for some reason if you google “who invented the automatic transmission”, Richard Spikes comes up. Spikes, like many other inventors, made a change to an already patented automatic gear shift, and got a patent for the CHANGE. Nevermind, that his change never really made an impact, as other upgrades leapfrogged his design.
Traffic Lights
Very similar to the aforementioned Mr. Spikes, traffic lights have been around for a very long time and have had so many different variations over time. The modern traffic light can be attributed first to Lester Wire who made it electric and then William Potts who automated the process with a timer. For some odd reason, Garrett Morgan is pushed as the creator of traffic signals. In reality, he invented a manually-operated three-way signal that uses arms to direct traffic instead of lights in 1923. That was a year after the first four-way automatic lights were installed in Houston. Which basically means Mr. Morgan’s contributions were useless from their inception.
Peanut Butter
Growing up in the American Northeast, I have been exposed to the deep groveling to, and praising of minorities that borderlines on offensive. For whatever reason, non-white people in this region cannot be treated like everyone else, but are fawned over excessively. I remember seeing George Washington Carver’s face constantly in school. He is considered one of the greatest scientists of all time and credited with inventing peanut butter, despite never really making any scientific breakthroughs and never inventing Jelly’s best bud. He did love peanut butter, and believed in its herbal properties, producing hundreds of products that were PB based during his life. If we want to praise him for something, why don’t we celebrate his escape from slavery and rise from horror to become an educated and refined gentleman? There can be merit in the truth.
Fo’ Real Inventions:
Super Soaker
Lonnie Johnson is a former NASA engineer and inventor of what has been the best water gun for decades. Everyone knows how much those guns you have to pump several times to pressurize sucks. Then, Lonnie came along and created a gun that would pressurize inside the tank and thus would not have a trigger, but a single-pump firing mechanism. A way better way to have some summer fun.
The Scooper
Alfred Cralle invented the mechanized ice cream scooper at the end of the 19th century. He noticed that the frozen cream would stick to the scooper and added a hand trigger that would move a scraper along the scoop to stop sticking.
Frederick McKinley Jones
Probably the most important black inventor you have never heard of. For whatever reason, the education system in America thinks it’s important to talk about George Washington Carver all day, but neglects to give this guy even a mention. Maybe the refrigerated truck or ticket dispenser is not as sexy or tasty as peanut butter, but it is far more important. His breakthroughs in refrigeration were revolutionary for the agricultural industry. Non-local foods like tropical fruits in the North, or select meats in different regions were rarely available as anything less than a luxury before refrigerated transportation. Just think about how often you would eat an orange if you lived in Vermont in the 1800s, fucking never. Mr. Jones not only expanded the scope of food that was readily available, but made everything radically cheaper. He started life as an orphan with a sixth grade education and grew to become the “King of Cool”, he’s the type of person we should be learning about this month.
