Inflation Vacations
Sam Sykes ~ 09/10/2024
In 2024, Americans are more cash strapped than ever before, grocery prices are rising and taking vacations is out of reach for so many people. Unless you want to be trapped on a boat with a bunch of other people that can’t afford a real trip, I would avoid cruises. So this begs the question: Are there any affordable but culturally rewarding places to visit in the modern world.
North Korea
It’s official! Kim Jong Un has decided to open the doors in December to tourists from all over the world. It may be worth checking out the artificially stocked grocery stores and fake first world amenities. In the past, visits to the people’s republic have been “guided” to say the least. Every item on the itinerary, and the travel to and from, are carefully choreographed by the North Korean government. The hastily-made hotels, dictatorial sculptures, and weird soviet-era technology create a confusing cultural environment covered with a thin veil of danger.
He loves basketball. And I said Obama loves basketball. Let’s start there alright. Start there.
Dennis Rodman on Kim Jong Un
South Africa
A great place for adrenaline junkies and thrill-seekers looking to navigate complicated and overwhelmingly violent situations. It’s like a James Bond movie, but you don’t have any of his skills and 90% of the population is actively trying to rob, maim, and kill you. If you’re able to escape the rapid urban decay of Cape Town or other South African cities, you could take a ride out to the countryside and bear witness to the constant farm attacks. If you’re a white guy you could even participate as a victim. Boiling white people alive and killing children is not that uncommon in today’s South Africa. A country rife with porch pirates scouring high security neighborhoods for packages delivered on doorsteps, getting in on the thievery is a fun way to participate in the culture of a foreign land.
A Farmer is 4.5 times more likely to be murdered than your average South African… farmers have by far the most dangerous job in this country.
Ian Cameron, South African Parliamentarian
Haiti
A place renowned for their cuisine, if you can find anything to eat… The cannibals of Haiti were making headlines last year, when they were killing and eating innocent people during their most recent revolution. Controversially, but correctly labeled as a shithole, their customs and culture is weird and violent. Thousands are kidnapped every year, but Haiti is such a dump, it’s hard to verify how incredibly high the numbers probably are. The leader of the cannibal gang running the country, Jimmy Cherizier A.K.A “Barbecue”, proclaims his violence consistently, “We are starting a bloody revolution in the country”. So if you’re interested in kidnapping, violence, and sexual terrorism, Haiti could be a cheap and thrilling experience.
Haiti is great already!
Conan O’Brien
India
A cathartic experience, if you think shitting your way to dehydration, having your passport stolen, and experiencing the worst traffic imaginable is a way to reach spiritual enlightenment. Endless piles of litter blow mix with street sewage to create an alluring but piercing smell. Cow’s roam around, because having a steak would send you to hell, and the street food is an interesting mix of edible diarrhea. If you like to be constantly harassed, pressured to buy shit, and forced to donate to pushy panhandlers, India is the place to be. The Beatles traveled there for inspiration in the 60s, and you can too. It will inspire you to never visit again.
India Sucks! Don’t ever come here!
Conner McBee
Kensington
A wonderful tourist destination for those looking for a chemically enhanced time, Kensington, a neighborhood of Philadelphia, has become a destination for anyone looking for a drug abuse paradise. Drug users from all over the American Northeast make pilgrimage to Kensington like flies to shit. Free needles, no laws, and free shit everywhere has made it one of the drug abuse capitals of America. I did check to see if there were any hotels in the area, and unfortunately there is not, but feel free to pitch a tent anywhere, the cops can’t do shit.
“The East coast’s largest open-air drug market”
Drug Enforcement Agency, DEA
Safe Travels!
These destinations should prove to be more affordable and thrilling than any boring and posh beach town. Who wants a calm and relaxing trip, when you could visit what is essentially an enormous post-apocalyptic escape room? Enjoythe kidnappings, cannibalism, food poisoning, and fentanyl, on your next family vacation!
