I Hate That I Love It

Sam Sykes ~ 01/29/2024

Morality is a tough thing these days, especially when the public is so quick to attack anyone for basically any reason. That being said, there are a lot of things that I understand are wrong on paper and in reality, but I can’t help the natural intrigue that draws me in. Today, we explore the things I should hate, but can’t help but loving.

Cockfighting

I’m starting with this one because I really don’t think it’s wrong. You’re allowed to breed chickens in confined spaces and get them so fat that they are immobile and often dying from heart attacks and other illnesses, only to be dipped in honey mustard… But you can’t let a couple of roosters fuck each other up. Illegal in the United States, except in the spicy, lawless wasteland of Puerto Rico, cockfighting used to be a premier form of entertainment. Imagine how fun it would be to go crush some beers and place some bets in the circular arena. What an awesome time it could be.

Body Cam Criminals

We’ve all seen the wild police bodycam videos taking YouTube by storm, and I doubt I’m the only one that roots for the criminals 90% of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the tough job the police officers are doing and that the perp is almost always a fucking idiot. It’s obvious that JaVonte is a piece of shit for driving high as shit and crashing his car into a mother and baby. I hope he not only goes to jail for a long time, but gets the shit beat out of him everyday. But I’d be lying if I said it’s not fun to watch him drive all over the place and barely escape the cops on foot before catching a taser and a beating.

Vandalism

First off, I HAVE NEVER, WILL NEVER COMMITED VANDALISM AND DO NOT CONDONE IT AT ALL, but I can imagine how fun it is. It’s totally wrong to destroy property others have worked so hard to buy while creating messes for others to clean up… But that sweet sound of an egg splattering after disappearing into darkness, the shatter of glass, or the ping of a rock ricocheting off of a passing train is just so glorious. This may be the first real item on this list that I truly hate loving. Also, I have never done any of this shit.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct

Sports fans can be such prudes about violence. Another reason why wearing another man’s name on your back is neo-cuckery. I know that it’s wrong to punch someone in the heat of a game, but it’s fucking awesome and I don’t care if it’s “not professional”. Where would we be without the freakouts of Bobby Knight, Ron Artest punching a fan, or the countless receiver-vs-cornerback fights. There is no champion that hasn’t cheated a little to get where they need to be. You know who likes to win like a “gentleman”? Losers.

1st Amendment Idiots

First amendment auditors are missing the point. Sure, you can go film in a library and be creepy and disruptive if you want to, it’s within your rights. But these assholes are seriously disruptive, and more of a threat to the freedom of speech than a bastion of it. While recognizing their assholery, their videos are pretty fun. There’s usually some overly aggressive security guard with a 70 IQ grabbing the camera as bitch-ass boomers stand behind him yelling about privacy. I hate loving it. 

Torture

Similar to cockfighting, I don’t have a huge problem with this one as long as they follow some basic guidelines. Spineless nerds often decry Guantanamo Bay prison as a terrible place that violates the basic human rights of its inmates. They don’t get that these pieces of shit are terrorists and foreign nationals that have plotted (mostly successfully) to brutally murder Americans. If you want to waterboard that guy or have some fun with jumper cables, that sounds good to me!

Human Zoos

This has to be the worst one on the list by far. It’s a good thing that we live in a compassionate and evolved western society that has outlawed such a barbaric and inherently wrong practice. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t intriguing. It’s so rare to see a freak in person these days, and when you do, you can’t stare or you’ll get cancelled almost immediately. It would be kind of cool to get an up close look at some of these anomalies of nature without the consequences of modern morality. And anyone that says this is wrong and they would never go to such a thing can fuck off. We all know that if Taylor Swift said it was cool, everyone would be there.