FROM THE COUCH:
Go Army Go, Ivy League Crap, Purdue: Thumping Incoming, Unlucky Florida, Derek Carr Is An Actual Loser, Georgia Is Embaressing, I Hate The Chiefs, and more!
Mike Leitao ~ 11/13/2024
This past week saw the first official college football playoff rankings and we are slightly past the halfway mark of the NFL season, meaning most football games from here till the calendar flips will be pretty damn important. But what happened this past week in the wacky world of sports I hear you ask. That’s literally the entire point of this article, so not sure why you would ask that if you are already here.
Army vs North Texas:
Was it pretty? No. But a win is a win and Army stays undefeated with a perfect 9-0 record and a spot at 24 in the rankings. The all important Notre Dame game is their next game on the schedule and a win would do wonders for their opportunity to make the College Football Playoffs. Let’s all pray together they will pull off the win.
Ohio vs Kent State:
There was only one real way to spend the night of 11/6 this year, and that of course was watching Ohio drop 41 on Kent State’s head while allowing 0 points against and barely the length of one football field in total yards. What a fun game that was totally what everyone was talking about that day.
Dartmouth vs Princeton:
Do people actually watch Ivy League sports other than hockey? I’ve never in all my life heard anyone mention the great game from the past weekend from the Ivy League. Not sure people like that actually exist.
Lincoln vs Mercyhurst:
This was a game that happened. It wasn’t notable other than it being 66-0 as the final score. I think games like that are funny, that is all.
Purdue vs Ohio State:
Purdue is very bad at football but on the bright side, college basketball has started up and Purdue is at least good at that. The fact that 2 of their last 3 games this year come against top 5 teams tells me we got a couple more thumpings to get done before the season is over.
Florida vs Texas:
Florida is a prime example on why playing in the SEC sucks. If Florida only lost to ranked teams they played this year, they would finish with a 5-7 record and most likely not qualify for a bowl game. So unless they can pull off the upset in one of these last games of the year, we will be seeing a Florida team that is better than probably a fair amount of teams who will qualify for the bowl games, sitting at home.
Miami vs Georgia Tech:
Georgia Tech opened the season with a win over Florida State and everyone was surprised but then we all realized Florida State sucks now. They now beat another ranked Florida team but this one actually means something. This was a great game to watch, Georgia Tech has less than 100 passing yards, but they won by running the ball hard and using up as much clock as possible. Although it’s not really a sustainable strategy as evident by their 6-4 record, it is still exciting to see it work and beat a good ass team. Cam Ward is still that guy though.
Georgia vs Ole Miss:
This college season is weird man. Georgia is a two loss team already and will be fighting for one of the last spots in the playoffs after being so damn dominant for so long. To only score 10 points is embarrassing, I don’t care that Ole Miss is really good. Georgia Southern scored more points on Ole Miss than Georgia, that tells you all you need to know.
Temple vs Tulane:
Another week, another Temple murder game. Out of Temple’s 7 losses, only one has been by one score and that score was 8 points still. They suck.
BYU vs Utah:
Two things for this game. Firstly, BYU is actually really good and has a high likelihood to get a bye in the first round. Secondly, Utah scored all 21 points of theirs in the second quarter and I find that funny.
Bengals vs Ravens:
Another Thursday Night banger. Lamar continues to play at an MVP level and Chase made fantasy owners both very happy and very sad. The biggest note from this game for me is if you are going to go for two to win the game, maybe throw it to the player who is having a historic night instead of literally anyone else, just food for thought.
Giants vs Panthers:
When the NFL continuously puts out teams like this to play in their international games, I find it hard to believe they actually want to grow the game. Don’t know shit about this game, I was doing more important things in my life, like taking a shit.
Patriots vs Bears:
The Caleb Williams rollercoaster continues. Another week without a TD and an embarrassing loss to the Patriots resulted in the canning of their offensive coordinator which, it’s about time. Caleb has actually looked decent at times this year, but the OC was not helping. Hopefully they bring in someone who can actually help and make Caleb Williams look like a real NFL quarterback instead of just another dude.
Vikings vs Jaguars:
I hate Sam Darnold, I picked him up in fantasy because Stroud has been playing like shit and I thought this was an easy matchup. Instead he played like shit and threw 3 interceptions and I barely lost but would’ve won if I kept Stroud in, so I am back on the Darnold hate train.
Broncos vs Chiefs:
THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. HOW ARE THEY SO LUCKY? WHEN WILL THEIR LUCK RUN OUT? WILL IT EVER ACTUALLY HAPPEN? Can’t wait to watch them win the Super Bowl and then I’ll cry.
Falcons vs Saints:
The whole “fire your head coach then whoever comes in as the interim always somehow wins” pisses me off. Mostly because it really seems like it makes sense, so by that logic bring in a new coach every game and you’ll never lose, but teams are too pussy to try that strategy. Once a team grows a pair and tries it I expect free tickets for putting the idea into writing.
Jets vs Cardinals:
Haha the Jets suck. All that hype and nothing to show for it. Have fun trying to rebuild this team with all the shit it’s added to help Rodgers that hasn’t helped at.
Cowboys vs Eagles:
See above but add more swearing and a fuck you cowboys.
Lions vs Texans:
The Goff streak of being more accurate than your favorite QB, has ended. Goff played sloppy early and the Texans looked like they were gonna win easily. But then Campbell came out, yelled at some people, bit some kneecaps, and the Lions proved it doesn't matter how they play, they will find the way to eke out an ugly win when it matters.
Chiefs vs Lions:
No, these teams didn’t play this weekend, but come Super Bowl weekend that might change. When I look at these teams, I see the front runners for both conferences for the Super Bowl, two drastically different teams. On one side, I see a wildly successful team in recent history and that is destined to win more. No matter how bad they play or how good the other team plays, they always somehow manage to win a game and that leaves everyone feeling like they didn’t deserve it. Meanwhile, the Lions are the opposite. A franchise with very little success, but plays every game like a dog fight, so when it’s over, you feel like they deserved to win, even if it was ugly. If these two teams match up in the Super Bowl, it will be a fun watch and never forget, I called it here first.
