FROM THE COUCH:
Military Schools Still Killing It, Florida State Sucks, Texas Blows It, Take That Britain, Browns Fans Hate Watson, I Hate The Chiefs, The Flyers Are The Worst Team In The NHL, and more!
Mike Leitao ~ 10/23/2024
Plot twist fuckers, no real intro today we’re hoping right in.
East Carolina vs Army, Charlotte vs Navy:
This week I don’t feel as excited as I have over the past few. Both these teams have to play Notre Dame and their chances at the undefeated season and college football playoffs are hanging in the balance. All we can do is pray the boys pull through, also, then Notre Dame will really suck.
Kennesaw State vs Middle Tennessee:
Kennesaw State scored 5 points this game. A safety in the first quarter and a field goal at the end. That is funny.
Florida State vs Duke:
We kinda stopped talking about Florida State after the first couple weeks once we realized they suck, but I thought it was worth bringing them back to once again call out that they really, really suck.
Miami vs Louisville:
It’s gotta be tough when your offense drops 45 points and you still lose. You think in the locker room the offense beats the shit of the defense, or do you think they just cry like babies? The world may never know. Anyways, it was a banger game with lots of offense, it was fun.
Alabama vs Tennessee:
Alabama being a two-loss team 8 weeks into the season is certainly shocking. Is it a coincidence it happens right after Saban leaves? Probably to some extent, but it’s weird how I have yet to see people flow that idea out at all seeing as the internet is all about making shit up and spewing lies.
Georgia vs Texas:
L Texas. L BBQ. L the Alamo. L Arch Manning. This was the opportunity to show that #1 ranking was correct and that you were the favorites. Instead, you get smacked around at home like an abused housewife and leave Georgia to once again be the favorite as they dominate college football for what feels like the 20th year in a row. Thanks Texas.
North Texas vs Memphis:
See Miami vs Louisville. In all seriousness though, very funny we had two games that practically played out exactly the same, though I’m sure on a rewatch most people would pick the ACC clash compared to whatever the hell this is.
Broncos vs Saints:
The Broncos suck and the Saints were missing their QB and their top 2 receivers. This was as Thursday night game as you could be. To those who aren’t a fan of these teams who willingly spent their Thursday watching this, please seek help.
Patriots vs Jaguars:
Are we giving the UK incredibly shit games all the time as payback for the war of 1812? I’d like to imagine the answer to my question is yes.
Bengals vs Browns:
Imagine being so hated that the fans of your team cheer when you tear your ACL cause no one likes you and they want you gone. Now imagine that when said back up (and then 3rd string) comes in they get cheered and lead the offense better than you did? If it was me, I’d consider calling it quits (please retire Watson you are the scum of the earth and aren’t good enough at football to offset it).
Dolphins vs Colts:
Watching the Dolphins without Tua is like watching a fentanyl addict in Kensington shoot up. You know you shouldn’t watch and when you do it just makes you depressed, but there is something so morbid about it you can’t take your eyes away. Add in Anthony Richardson who plays football like someone who rode the short bus to school, and you have a car-crash style game that brings joy to everyone except the fantasy owners of Tyreek and Waddle.
Eagles vs Giants:
Here is a list of players who have scored at MetLife Stadium more recently than Daniel Jones. Zach Wilson, Aaron Rodgers, Tyrod Taylor, Josh Allen, Jalen Hurts, Dak Prescott, Tommy DeVito, Sam Darnold, Jacoby Brissett, Patrick Mahomes, Tim Boyle, Jordan Love, Trevor Siemian, Geno Smith, Marcus Mariota, Matthew Stafford, Tua Tagovailoa, Mac Jones, Desmond Ridder, and Bo Nix. That’s a lot. All because the Giants chose him over Saquon, who torched the Giants all game and helped the Eagles smack them around.
Chiefs vs 49ers:
How the fuck are the Chiefs undefeated? They have shit receivers and Mahomes is actually playing like a rotting pile of garbage, yet they are the only remaining unbeaten team and are once again favorites to win another Super Bowl. It’s unfair and makes me wanna jump.
Jets vs Steelers:
Let Russ cook. Mr. Unlimited. Russell Wilson is weird, but at least he’s not as shit as the Jets are at all times. I’m convinced that if you took the NFL all-decade team from any decade but made them play for the Jets they would at best go 9-8 and sneak into the playoffs to lose in the wildcard by 25+. The jets suck and hurt to watch. Also, can we stop giving the Steelers prime time games? I know they are a huge football market and are playing really well, but 3 prime time games in 4 weeks is major glazing.
Canucks vs Flyers, Capitals vs Flyers:
Holy shit, the Flyers are so bad. Through their first two home games they’ve scored a grand total of one goal (putting up those Daniel Jones numbers). The Washington Capitals have scored a grand total of two shorthanded goals on Flyers home ice. The flyers are being outscored on home ice by the Capital’s penalty kill, which happened to score the least amount of shorthanded goals in the league last year. Between the Phillies losing early in the playoffs, the Eagles underperforming, the 76ers being a lock for a second round exit, and the Flyers making a case as the worst team in the NHL currently, it’s a rough time in Philly. At least we got the new portal that will inevitably be shut down for some dumb shit.
