FROM THE COUCH:
Military Schools Still Killing It, Bama Gets Embarrassed Again, Penn State’s Faux Greatness, Mormons Are Rolling, Trever Lawrence Sucks, Sirianni Is A Loser, Cowboys Get Bitch-Slapped, and more!
Mike Leitao ~ 10/16/2024
Bank holidays are so stupid. Why do banks get off so many days compared to the rest of us? If money makes the world go round, why is it I still have to work when banks are closed? It really grinds my gears. Anyways, now that I’ve given my rant about that, it’s been another week of sports which of course means another week of your favorite series that brings you more joy than anything else in the world. So many sports, so little time.
UAB vs Army
LETS FUCKING GO, ARMY WINS AGAIN AND THE BOYS NOT ONLY STAY UNDEFEATED BUT HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE IT INTO THE TOP 25 ALONG WITH NAVY. This is easily the thing I look forward to the most in the whole world every week. So right here right now I’m saying it, if either Army or Navy somehow win the national championship this year, I will get a Riot Club tattoo to recognize the greatest season ever.
South Carolina vs Alabama
How do you almost lose to an unranked team at home in Alabama. Pretty embarrassing couple of games, seeing as they were 23 point favorites then lost to Vanderbilt then were 21.5 point favorites at home this week to squeak out a 2 point win. Bama is washed, confirmed.
Penn State vs USC
Why is Penn State good? I feel like every year we all agree Penn State will be around 10-2 and get a New Year's bowl game that they will do relatively well in and then repeat. But all of a sudden they are ranked 3rd in the nation and actually looking good? I don’t like it, 2nd half collapse incoming.
Purdue vs Illinois
49-50 OT game. Peak college football. No words, just touchdowns. More games like this please.
Stanford vs Notre Dame
Some people think Stanford lost this game, but if you look deeper you will see they are actually tied with Notre Dame. Allow me to elaborate. Northern Illinois beat Notre Dame, North Carolina State beat Northern Illinois, Syracuse beat North Carolina State, and Stanford beat Syracuse. Therefore Notre Dame still sucks and fuck Luke.
Arizona vs BYU
Land of the Mormons vs the United States Army would be the game of the century. All we can do is pray.
Kansas State vs Colorado
All time quote from this game after a Kansas State sack, “They have been in his chest like bronchitis”. Seriously how the fuck you think of a call like that.
Jaguars vs Bears
Holy shit, I don’t care that the bears are actually looking good right now. The Jags are so dogshit it hurts to watch. Y’all remember when Trevor Lawrence was supposed to be the second coming of Peyton Manning? That was short lived.
Buccaneers vs Saints
50 bombs in the NFL are normally great cause it’s all anyone talks about. If you need more proof that no one cares about the NFC South other than Atlanta a little, look no further than the fact the Bucs dropped 51 on the Saints and no one cares. Baker could go for 5k yards this year and I bet no one would give a shit.
Browns vs Eagles
Imagine being a coach on the hot seat, you finally get back your top 2 receivers after a bye week and you play one of the worst teams in the league at home, barely beat them by 4, then have the audacity to chirp fans in the stands. Nick Sirianni, get ready to enjoy the couch with the rest of us soon.
Lions vs Cowboys
Honestly, this might also be why no one was talking about Tampa dropping 50 points. Having the Lions come into your stadium and bitch you by almost 40 points is pretty bad, even if the Lions are NFC favorites. Normally, there are Cowboy fans talking about how it’s their year but I haven’t heard much of any of that. Maybe it’s finally starting to shift, Jerry Jones yelling at a radio host certainly doesn’t help.
Bills vs Jets
There were 3 things I took out of this game:
1) How is Rodgers so good at Hail Marys? It makes no sense, it doesn’t seem like something that is really skill based yet Rodgers is clearly the best at it, it’s very strange.
2) Breece Hall getting like 150 yards from scrimmage but no TDs made me lose in fantasy by a couple points after giving me hope, it made me very sad.
3) Holy fuck the refs were atrocious. The fact the refs almost had more yards than Josh Allen should tell you everything you need to know. Hot take, they should be publicly executed.
I’ll end this week with some quick takes about the recent trades from Tuesday with Adams to the Jets and Cooper to the Bills. Adams to the Jets was something everyone thought was happening for months now so it’s about time. Based on the receiver talent and the skill of that defense you’d expect them to be pretty good yet none of us will be surprised when they finish with a losing record and miss the playoffs. Cooper to the Bills is much more interesting. Cooper is solid and the Bills need a clear number one option, it will be interesting to see if Cooper can re-establish himself as an elite option after dealing with bum-ass Watson so far this year.
