FROM THE COUCH:

Penn State Wins of Course, So Does Texas Obviously, Favored Teams Run The Table, Classic Steelers, Mike Evans Hits 1000, The Very Good Lions Beat A Very Good Team, My Playoff Parlay Predictions, And More…

Mike Leitao ~ 1/7/2025

Seventeen is a very boring number. The coolest thing about it is the fact it’s a prime number and is also the sum of the first four prime numbers. Other than that, ain’t nothing special about it. Which is ironic, since for the most part there wasn’t anything special about most of the week 18 NFL games. On the flip side, there were four huge college football playoffs games so the two leagues offset each other very well. 

Penn State vs Boise State (Fiesta Bowl):

In the first playoff game of the 2nd round, we kept with the tradition of proving that some of these schools who received automatic playoff entry really did not deserve them. Don’t get me wrong, Boise State was good this year and had the best player in the nation on their squad, but they never belonged in the real conversation of potential college football champions. Penn State did what any logical team should do, stack the ever living shit out of the box to make running the football nearly impossible forcing Boise’s QB to be competent. The 304 passing yards might make it look like that strategy didn’t work, but the 1 TD to 3 INT show that it worked very well for Penn State. Boise State never had the lead and was truthfully never really even looked at as a threat during the entire game. With their double digit loss, it was up to one last team to try and prove the automatic bids were in fact a good idea…

Texas vs Arizona State (Peach Bowl):

And they did not. Credit Arizona State, they were extremely close to winning and really made Texas earn the win. Arizona State dominated the 2nd half along with the run game. Everyone at this rate knows about Skattebo and everything he did during the game. I won’t bring it up again to save people from having to hear about a dude who’s gonna be selling insurance in a few years. I don’t know what it is, he kinda just pisses me off. Anyways, the last hope fell in OT to allow Texas to move on and basically guarantee the fact the entire offseason will be spent having people talk about how to better determine what teams really deserve to make it. Fun, can’t wait (said no one ever).

Ohio State vs Oregon (Rose Bowl):

The rematch between two very good teams who play in the same conference, this was no doubt going to be a great game. Just kidding, Oregon decided being undefeated in the regular season was good enough for them while Ohio State decided they wanted to commit borderline murder. Seriously, I feel like we were very close to needing to involve the cops in this one. There are many things that can be discussed regarding this game, Ohio State nearly doubling the yardage total for Oregon, Ohio State rushing for 181 yards while holding Oregon to (checks notes) negative 23 yards. Ohio State recorded 8 sacks while Oregon's defensive line might as well have not shown up. All of those items could be used to describe the shitshow they called a “college playoff game”, but only one thing really sums it up. 34-0, 2nd quarter. Ohio State was beating undefeated and number 1 seeded Oregon by a score of 34-0 late in the second quarter. If it wasn’t for an Oregon TD with a few seconds left in the half they would’ve gone into halftime with a 34-point lead and a shutout on, once again, the number 1 ranked team in the country. This Ohio State team is scary, and I’m still worried they might commit actual murder in a game if they keep playing like this.

Notre Dame vs Georgia (Sugar Bowl):

The last game of this round of the playoffs was also projected to be the closest, with it being only a 1-point spread. It was not the closest, Notre Dame beat Georgia by 13 and could’ve stopped playing after halftime. I don’t have much else to say about this game to be honest, it was played and Notre Dame won though nothing really noteworthy happened. So I’ll use this space to instead mention that all the lower seeds won, which is exciting I guess. Even though the lower seeds were actually the favorites in every game. So maybe it’s not that exciting. Anyways, now we all hope for an Ohio State vs Penn State finals cause I think that would be fun and what I think is fun is what everyone should think is fun.

Browns vs Ravens:

There wasn’t much important NFL action this week, so I will go through quickly. Haha, the Browns suck so much it’s actually impressive. Congrats Ravens, you beat a pile of trash.

Bengals vs Steelers:

Classic Steelers losing a bunch of games at the end of the season but still having a winning season and making the playoffs just to lose in the first round. Happens all the time. Any Bengals fans bitching about not making playoffs since the Broncos had an easy game against the Chiefs backups to secure their spot, maybe don’t lose to the Patriots in week 1 next time.

Bears vs Packers:

This game didn’t really matter for anyone other than Bears fans who are all happy that their team got a worse draft pick but beat the Packers (backups) in Lambo. Congrats, I guess.

Saints vs Buccaneers:

Since the Falcons suck and lost to the Panthers, this game actually didn’t matter much in regards to playoffs other than being the 3 seed instead of the 4 seed. The real story is Mike Evans getting 1k yards again. Everyone should be happy for him. Hooray Mike Evans.

Seahawks vs Rams:

Resting your starters to basically throw the game and end up as the 4 seed having to play the team that was one game out from getting a first round bye is certainly a choice, and probably not a great one.

Vikings vs Lions:

The Lions are very good at football. They just made a team that is also very good at football look very bad at football. When you can do that, it normally means you are one of the best teams in the league.

With the playoffs starting up, I feel like it is only fair to give my predictions on the games so you can all put together some nasty parlays and win some big money since I am always right:

Chargers vs Texans: Chargers win, Texans kinda suck this year but play in a dogshit division.

Steelers vs Ravens: Ravens win, this should not be a surprise to be honest.

Broncos vs Bills: Bills win, Josh Allen is really good at football so he should win at least one playoff game before disappointing.

Packers vs Eagles: Actually should be a good game, but the Eagles win. Saquon vs Jacobs will be a fun RB matchup and show that maybe spending for an RB isn’t the worst use of money.

Commanders vs Buccaneers: I don’t care about this game, Buccaneers win cause I like Mike Evans and Baker Mayfield I guess.

So there you have it, the 100% guaranteed playoff results of the first round. Want the rest of the predictions? That sucks cause you ain’t getting them till next week so when I’m inevitably wrong about half these games and I can get a free redo.