FROM THE COUCH:
Colorado Sucks, Jeanty Is For Real, Peach State Shootout, I Hate Notre Dame, Planting The Flag, More Of The Same From The Chiefs, Justin Tucker’s Nears The End, and more!
Mike Leitao ~ 12/4/2024
The unlucky number itself. Scary stuff right here. 13, a number synonymous with bad luck in the United States but with good luck elsewhere. 13 is also a prime number, and I love prime numbers, so that’s cool. You become a teenager at 13, while each season has 13 weeks. 13 gets a bad rep because of all the bad luck, but it’s honestly a pretty cool number. You know what else is cool? From the Couch episode 13 (vomiting as I write this, that was so cringe).
Oklahoma State vs Colorado:
I’m still not convinced Colorado should be ranked. I don’t care, sue me. This team does not have impressive wins. They only won two games this year they weren’t favored in and one of their three losses was as a favorite. This team lives off the hype, but when you have two projected top-5 picks and the possible Heisman winner I guess it makes sense to be ranked for them alone.
Oregon State vs Boise State:
Well let’s get the Heisman candidates out the way early. “Oh, Jeanty plays bums in the Mountain West, anyone can do that.” Shut up. Get a life. Bro’s dominating everyone put in front of him and playing so damn well he’s getting benched in the second half of games and still out here with the potential to break the all-time rushing record. Dudes a dawg, and he should win the Heisman, argue to a wall.
Georgia Tech vs Georgia:
Georgia Tech had the opportunity to do something so funny, but blew it. The fact that this was an 8-OT game is so funny. It was 28-28 at the end of the 4th quarter and because college football loves offense we saw another 30 points scored. It’s not great Georgia almost lost at home against a 4-win team, but other than an unnecessarily close game versus Kentucky earlier this year, they’ve been the same old dominant Georgia.
Clemson vs South Carolina:
Another team on the fake hype train here. Clemson has no good wins, the only team over .500 they’ve beaten is Pitt, who fell apart at the end of the year. Their other three matchups versus teams with over .500 records resulted in a 0-3 record. Get these bums outta here and don’t let them in the CFP.
Miami vs Syracuse:
Syracuse has good wins but is not ranked? I hate the ranking system. Watching this game live felt fake. It might’ve been since I had Split View and was watching other games during it, but I don’t even remember anything memorable from this game other than it being an upset. I guess congrats Syracuse, you did something of relevance and got ranked.
Notre Dame vs USC:
My hatred of Notre Dame is well known, and as much as I hate them being ranked 4th overall in the country, I have to respect them and admit they’ve been pretty damn good this year. Notre Dame actually looks good and not the fluke they normally are, part of me almost feels bad because they are independent. That means they can’t win a division and thus can’t earn a first round bye. Then I remember I fucking hate Notre Dame for ruining the dream of a perfect Army season and don’t feel bad anymore.
Purdue vs Indiana:
Imagine the Saturday after Thanksgiving and you got your last game of the season. You have less than six wins so no bowl game and all you are hoping for is a good game, and just maybe even an upset win. Sure you are on the road against a top team in the country while being 28-point underdogs, but anything can happen. Then what happened was a 66-0 spanking that might, deadass, get relegated to division 2. They had 67 total yards of offense. Watching this team makes me wanna kill myself, so I can only imagine the players and fans of Purdue. Good thing basketball is starting up.
Kansas State vs Iowa State:
Let’s round this out with our last team I think is shit. Luckily, they are no longer ranked, but I’m not convinced Kansas State ever deserved it. Although their wins are slightly more impressive, other than a win over ranked Colorado (who shouldn’t be ranked). Seeing as three of their four losses came against ranked teams it was understandable why they were ranked, but it doesn’t change the fact no one wanted to see fucking Kansas State in the playoffs.
Arizona State vs Arizona:
This was a murder. To be fair, Arizona sucks and Arizona State is very good, so nothing to be shocked at. The real highlight of this game came when Arizona State players went to plant the trident in the center of the Arizona logo, which Arizona players didn’t like. The only thought I had watching it unfold was someone was gonna get stabbed with that damn trident. Both, fortunately, from a moral standpoint and unfortunately from a writing standpoint, no one was hurt.
Michigan vs Ohio State:
Alright, let’s take this in 2 parts. Firstly, being at home against a bum-ass Michigan team and losing while only scoring 10 points is embarrassing. Add in the fact that the loss took you out of the Big 10 championship and thus out of a potential playoff bye it gets even worse. It was a boring game with a result that was just downright sad. Now, part 2 and a little rambling. I don’t care about team pride at the college football level. Sure, for a lot of guys on these teams it will end up being a large part of their lives, but it’s also only like 4 years on average. You don’t want the opposition planting their flag on your turf? Here’s a suggestion, beat them. Being 19.5 point favorites, not even scoring 19 points and losing, then starting a fight when Michigan plants the flag is an awful look, and the coach just sitting around doing jack shit other than probably stroking his cock is another bad look. Luckily for these teams, the true losers of this event were the cops who said fuck it and just started unloading pepper spray at anything that would move. Never change OSU police.
Bears vs Lions:
Anyone watching this game only remembers one part. The Bears marching down the field trying to tie or win it and they have some absolutely awful clock management. I’m talking clock management so bad it would get a little league coach fired. Luckily, the Bears did something they should’ve done before the season even started and canned their bum-ass coach. Here’s to 2025 for the Bears, maybe a slightly better season where the team will still likely underperform, hooray!
Raiders vs Chiefs:
Feels like I can just copy and paste the Chiefs every week. Get outplayed by a team clearly worse than you buy someone and get bailed out by some luck or miracle to continue being the team with the best record. It’s so annoying, I can’t even convince myself to waste time watching them anymore since it’s so obvious what’s gonna happen.
Steelers vs Bengals:
Holy shit, the Bengals defense is bad. And it’s not just bad, it’s like wow bad. Letting the Steelers and Wilson put up 44 points on your head tells you everything you need to know. To waste an incredible season from both your star QB and WR is crazy, and 100% deserves to get fired.
Eagles vs Ravens:
Honestly, a relatively weak week in the NFL, but luckily with the college football scene it made up for and then some. This game was great, really good football. The Eagles played solid at the start but came out and the Ravens made good adjustments that looked like it would really hamper this Eagles team. But then they let the MVP candidate cook as Saquon continued to dominate showing that the Eagles ain’t some fluke team and are a legit threat. Just really good football on a slate that didn’t have much, which helps the enjoyment. Also, it’s time someone takes Justin Tucker out back and puts an end to him. I don’t know how it happened and why it became so sudden instead of gradual, but bro is simply cooked and not the guy he once was.
