FROM THE COUCH:
Army loses to Notre Dame, Ole Miss Is Really Pissing Me Off, UMASS Kicks Some Ass (Sort Of), BIG 12 ACTION, Mahomes The Spoiler, The Deion Cycle, Stroud Is Not That Guy, Dumb Games, Prime Time Sucks, and more!
Mike Leitao ~ 11/27/2024
Why did we as a society choose to break out the 24 hours in a day to be two 12 hour blocks. Why not just use 24 so there is no risk of confusion? Why not use something like 4 or 6 and break the day into specific segments so that when someone says afternoon you know it means a certain distinguishable time frame. There were 12 disciplines of Jesus at the last supper. There are 12 months throughout the year and the Greeks worshiped 12 major gods. For us Americans, there is 12 inches in a foot. So yeah, 12 is a pretty common number and it is also the number of From the Couches we have released. Wow next week is gonna be crazy with the 13th, shame it won’t fall on Friday the 13th.
Akron vs Kent State:
We got a new thing to cheer for as we come to the end of the College Football season. Kent State cannot win a game. They are the only FBS team to not record a win this season. Their closest game this year was a 2-point loss at home against Ball State. They have only lost 2 of their 12 games by one score. They have been shutout 3 times. They just gave us a truly legendary season.
Ole Miss vs Florida:
Ole Miss is really pissing me off this season. Like just decide if you want to be good or not, stop with all this “maybe I’m good, maybe I’m not” bullshit. Two wins versus top-15 teams (one of which was on the road) and three losses to unranked teams. Make it make sense. News flash you can’t, they are an enigma.
UMass vs Georgia:
How you gonna come out for a home game versus UMass and even allow it to be that close. For reference, the score was 59-21, but versus UMass? How do you let them score three touchdowns? How do you end the first quarter tied 7-7? How do you let them outperform you in every metric in the running game? Embarrassing performance, Alabama would never.
UTEP vs Tennessee:
How do you bounce back from a 14-point loss to Georgia? You go out on home turf against UTEP and shut them out, smacking them 59-0. Take notes Georgia.
Citadel vs Clemson:
Citadel went 5-7 this year, that’s pretty good. Good for Citadel, all the real fans are rooting for you.
Penn State vs Minnesota:
Penn State remains a train wreck. You are allowed to have off nights, but you can’t go into a game against a team that’s barely over .500 and narrowly beat them (For this team that means 26-25). Seriously, how are people supposed to take you seriously when you let bum ass Minnesota do that to you?
BYU vs Arizona State:
The Mormons have fallen. After dropping back-to-back games the chance at a first-round bye in the college football playoffs is looking more like a dream than a lock. Hell, even making the playoffs might not be a lock anymore. I don’t know what Mormon god BYU pissed off but they better spend all week praying for it to be fixed.
Colorado vs Kansas:
Go into the season with preseason hype. Fail to deliver at the start of the year having everyone call you overrated. Get hot in the middle of the season and climb back up the ranks. Instantly spoil all the hard work by losing games you shouldn’t. Repeat. That is what we call the Deion Cycle.
Texas Tech vs Oklahoma State:
BIG 12 ACTION CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING. FUCKING SHOOTOUTS BABY. 56-48, OVER 1,100 OFFENSIVE YARDS GAINED, THIS IS THE DREAM GAME.
Army vs Notre Dame:
I don’t even wanna talk about this game. It pissed me off. Just thinking about it is pissing me off again. Army deserved better. Fuck Notre Dame, I hope you lose 130-0 and get relegated to the CFL you fucking bums.
Alabama vs Oklahoma:
Hey, remember earlier when I said Alabama would never allow three touchdowns to a bum-ass team like UMass? That is still a true statement, but I also imagine Georgia would put up a real fight against Oklahoma and score more than 3 points, so I guess they even out in the end.
Steelers vs Browns:
Classic Steelers trap Thursday night game against a bad team they should beat but somehow don’t. Two things guaranteed with the Steelers, the above sentence and Mike Tomlin finishing with around a 9-7 record and either losing in the first round of the playoffs or missing them entirely.
Chiefs vs Panthers:
Imagine if the Chiefs lost to the Panthers. The memes would be incredible. Seeing 4-foot-9 Bryce Young beat former multi-time MVP Patrick Mahomes would’ve been poetry. Alas, the Chiefs do what they do best and win a very close game, stealing our hopes and joy.
Titans vs Texans:
Yo, the Texans actually kinda suck. Stroud is not that guy we all thought he was after his incredible rookie season. I would say it’s a sophomore slump but it’s more like a straight up regression. I mean, how do you lose to the clip farmer himself Will Levis.
Buccaneers vs Giants:
The Giants really looked at their complete dog-shit team and thought “yes, let’s get rid of our below average starter for our incredibly below average 3rd stringer, that will get the offense going”. Hopefully they draft a QB in the first round this year, and hopefully for my fantasy team he makes Nabers the GOAT.
Cowboys vs Commanders:
This game was just dumb. Dumb things happened and it resulted in a dumb game with a dumb final score. Dumb football is great though, so no complaints from me.
49ers vs Packers:
The 49ers are cooked. Yes, they have a shit ton of injuries. But their division is awful this year and they might not win it, that’s a bigger issue. The biggest issue though is the fact this team is always dealing with injuries to, like, all their players. Someone needs to check the medical team's records to see if there is some fishy business going on.
Eagles vs Rams/Ravens vs Chargers:
These were the prime time games for this past weekend. They sucked. The Eagles won by 17 and Barkley became an MVP candidate. The Ravens beat the Chargers by 7 but the game was just so damn boring. Do better NFL, I want to enjoy prime time football, not dread it.
