#FreeEric
Sam Sykes ~ 10/17/2024
The Mayor of New York City is under attack, probably because he is guilty of taking bribes, but under attack nonetheless. It feels weird defending a corrupt criminal like Eric Adams, but when we think about it, NYC is already in the toilet and a new mayor wouldn’t fix anything. Personally, I would love the opportunity to see more of Adams’ insane soundbites and buffoonery for years to come. I decided to compile a list of some of the funniest and most outrageous moments from his career.
The Mets-Yankees Hat
This week, the hizzoner debuted his new baseball cap supporting both NYC baseball teams as they compete in the playoffs. What a weird and funny thing to do. This isn’t hooligan London, with roving gangs of soccer fanatics looking to beat the shit out of rival club supporters. It’s the big apple where sports fanaticism is reserved for the rich people that can afford to buy the merch and go to the games. Of all things he could’ve tried to unify the city on, he picked the one thing that is not an issue and nobody wants to resolve.
Rap Game
In his Pace University commencement speech, he quoted rapper Drake saying, “We started from the bottom, now we’re here”. He has also been dubbed the “Hip-Hop Mayor” often drawing attention to music focused on killing, raping, and selling drugs. He met with a handful of drill rappers in the projects, and even considered banning the genre that is essentially teenagers publicly bragging about killing people in rival section 8 housing complexes. Ultimately, he didn’t want to lose his status as a rap-lover, so he decided to back off swiftly at the first sign of backlash.
New York Is The [Add Place Here] Of America
This one goes back to his time as Brooklyn Borough President. He has an odd habit of meeting with foreign dignitaries and subsequently equating their country of origin with NYC, regardless of how incomparable they are. He’s done this with every country and city he’s met with. I would bet money he couldn't find half of these places on a map.
Adams has claimed that New York City is the…
Athens
Istanbul
Kyiv
Seoul
Tel Aviv
Islamabad
Zagreb
Lima
Mexico City
Dublin
… Of America, to name a few.
The Istanbul Of America
While the Brooklyn Borough President, Eric Adams made a cameo in a Turkish Rom-Com saying, “Brooklyn is the Istanbul of America”. This was years before he was mayor, but the film has come back to haunt him. In the film, two Turkish men attempt to bribe Adams for help with construction permits. While this is fictional, the mayor has been indicted on bribery charges as of a few weeks ago. From, can you guess where? Turkey, among other places. You can’t make this shit up.
The State Senator’s Safety Video
While serving as a New York State Senator, the future mayor participated in a production that gave parents tips about searching through their kids things and some common items they might find. Such as, a gun hidden in a jewelry box, a fucking crackpipe in their backpack (as if you couldn’t tell your kid was on crack), bullets hidden behind picture frames, A huge bag of weed hidden in a baby dolls ass, a .38 revolver hidden inside a pillowcase (he then points the gun at himself), and a shit-ton of coke on a bookshelf. Throughout the video he keeps referencing the first amendment and how children do not have a right to the first amendment in your home. I mean, that is true, but what does freedom of speech have to do with hiding drugs and weapons in your bedroom?
NYC: 9/11 And Tasty Restaurants
Finally, my favorite Eric Adams quote of all time. He was asked to come do a fluff piece on the local news, basically just softball questions with a feel-good goal. He was asked to describe in one word New York in 2023. His answer:
“New York. This is a place where everyday you wake up, you could experience everything from a plane crashing into our trade center to a person who is celebrating a new business that’s open. This is a very, very complicated city and that’s why it’s the greatest city on the globe.”
What? First of all, “New York” is two words and does not describe anything. Second, It’s the “greatest city on the globe” because of 9/11 and cool shops. Wow.
I want to ask anyone in NYC right now to PLEASE re-elect Mayor Adams. Hopefully his bribery case doesn’t put him away for a few years and he can continue to be the funniest American mayor. Come on, NYC is fucked anyway, we might as well have some fun.
