Shut Up Serena, You Dumb Bitch!
Sam Sykes ~ 07/17/2024
Last week, retired tennis chick Serena Williams hosted the ESPY awards. For those unfamiliar, it’s where athletes get together, stroke their egos, celebrate themselves, virtue-signal, and jerk each other off. The event is total garbage. Seriously, try to watch it sometime, it’s so boring and pompous. Incredibly disconnected from the average sports fan. Serena did a shitty job hosting, but somehow I’m the only one with the balls to say it. During the show, this burly lady ranted against those not watching women’s sports, saying, “So go ahead and enjoy women's sports like you would any other sports, because they are sports”. What a crock of shit.
Sorry Serena, that's the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Why don’t we all pay hundreds or thousands to go to minor league baseball games? I mean, after all, it is sports. What kind of logic is that? I usually leave the sports to our managing editor, Mike Leitao, but I thought I’d take a swing at this imbecile tennis bitch.
Serena Williams and her sister should thank god everyday that they were able to make a dime playing a “professional” sport. That’s not a knock on tennis, But WOMEN’S tennis. They somehow get to be worse than every man playing in the pros, but make significantly more. Doesn’t sound very equal. Most sports fans know the story of the WIlliams sisters getting their asses whooped by a drunk german dude who was ranked 203rd in 1998. He beat Serena (ranked 20th) 6-1 and Venus (ranked 5th) 6-2 after a night of partying and drinking. Maybe the ladies should’ve sacked up against the men and played in their league.
The “women’s sports are just as entertaining as men’s sports” talking point has been around for years, but everyone saying it is missing the point. Money talks and there is no shortage of money flowing into the major men’s sports in America. Sexism? Nope. Women’s sports are less popular for the same reason minor league, college, or little league is less popular. The quality of the athlete is just worse, and the fans can tell. Have you ever seen how painful a WNBA game is to watch? But they still want to be paid the same. Not to mention that the league is set to lose 50 million dollars in what is, arguably, their most popular year ever. Players should quit bitching about pay and go play in the NBA if they think they really are great athletes.
The U.S. women’s soccer team has been a hotbed of complaining when it comes to equal pay. They’ve argued that their victories and past international and olympic performances are far more impressive than the men’s U.S. team and they deserve to be paid equally, if not more. Nevermind that the men’s team consistently makes more money than the women’s team. It’s not all about accolades or being the best team in the women’s division. In 2017, the women’s team lost 5-2 in an exhibition match against a bunch of 15-year-old boys in Dallas, Texas. Do these boys deserve to be paid more than that asshole Megan Rapinoe? By her standards, they do.
Nobody is saying we should abolish women’s sports, but we need to be realistic. Minor league baseball teams do not have stadiums that hold 40,000 fans because they do not deserve it. The players do not sign $300 million contracts or get national endorsement deals. It’s a fair deal for the level they are playing at. It’s not like these minor teams are bringing the type of revenue that could support professional level accommodations. We can all agree that this is a fair compromise, so why is it not the same when it comes to women’s sports?
Women’s sports are boring as shit and not the type of “gladiator in the arena” experience we get from men’s athletics. Watching a bunch of lanky lesbians throw a basketball around at a quarter of the speed LeBron does, is just not interesting. It’s no wonder the only women’s olympic events men care about are beach volleyball and gymnastics, for obvious reasons. I’m sure no one can name the U.S. women’s shot putter.
So Serena… What’s our responsibility here? To watch WNBA games and buy ladies soccer jerseys. This is like watching shitty movies to support shitty filmmakers. Or maybe hire plumbers that have never touched a wrench in the pursuit of “fairness”. Serena and her colleagues should be kissing the ass of all the tennis fans and beta-males that follow the women’s sports. It’s amazing that someone who has gained so much in pursuit of the most useless and pedantic of careers. Shut up Serena, you fucking moron.
