Riot Club Guide: Bandwagon

Gator Thunderstorm ~ 12/17/2024

We all have that friend who abandoned the Patriots as the team “they always liked” for the much more popular and more importantly, winning, Chiefs. They loved Tom Brady, but that love has moved to Mahomes and his retarded ape Travis. Who can blame them, Jets fans are about to start deleting themselves and Jags fans are watching a generational talent go down a generational toilet. It might be time to start riding the bandwagon.

Phase 1: The Glory Days

Bragging Rights:

  • Memory Lane: "You remember the days when you would remind us of the Patriots' six Super Bowl titles every chance you got. It was like you had the dates and scores tattooed on your brain."

  • Exaggerated Claims: "I remember you saying, 'The Patriots are the greatest dynasty in NFL history. No one will ever top them.' It was impossible to have a conversation without the Patriots creeping in somehow."

Tom Brady Worship:

  • Obsession: "You had that Tom Brady poster over your bed, right? You'd defend him in every GOAT debate like you were his personal PR manager."

  • Superstitions: "You had these weird superstitions, like wearing your Brady jersey inside out because you thought it brought him good luck."

Merch Overload:

  • Full Gear: "From your Patriots hat to your socks, you were always decked out in Patriots gear. Even your car had Patriots decals all over it."

  • Celebration Rituals: "Remember those over-the-top celebrations every time the Patriots scored a touchdown? You'd act like you were part of the team."

Phase 2: The Decline

Denial:

  • Hopeful Statements: "You used to say things like, 'They’re just rebuilding. We’ll be back next season!'"

  • Deflections: "Anytime they lost, you'd blame everything but the team: 'The refs had it out for us,' or 'The injuries killed our season.'"

Excuses:

  • Outlandish Reasons: "You had an excuse for every bad game: 'The wind was too strong,' or 'The turf wasn't right.'"

  • Historical Arguments: "You’d deflect by bringing up their past successes: 'Yeah, we lost today, but don't forget those six rings!'"

Disappearing Act:

  • Gradual Fade: "Your Patriots gear started to vanish. First, the hat, then the jersey, and finally, the car decals."

  • Quiet Game Days: "Game days became strangely quiet. No more big gatherings to watch the Patriots dominate."

Phase 3: The Switch

Subtle Hints:

  • Casual Comments: "You'd say things like, 'Mahomes is a beast,' or 'The Chiefs have a really solid team this year,' trying to sound casual."

  • Highlighting Positives: "You’d point out Chiefs highlights randomly, saying, 'Did you see that pass by Mahomes? Unreal.'"

New Gear:

  • Unexpected Gear: "One day, you showed up in a Chiefs hat. 'Oh, I just liked the design,' you claimed. Right..."

  • Slow Transition: "Then it was a Chiefs jersey here and there. Soon enough, you were all about the red and white."

Full Conversion:

  • Full Fan Mode: "Now you’re all in on the Chiefs. Suddenly, you’re an expert on their roster, stats, and history."

  • Rewriting History: "You’re saying things like, 'I’ve always liked the Chiefs. They’re just a fun team to watch.' Sure thing, buddy."

Criticisms and Responses

  • Criticism: Bandwagon Fan:

Response: "Nah, I've always appreciated good football, and the Chiefs are playing great. It's not bandwagoning; it's recognizing talent."

  • Criticism: Abandoning the Patriots:

Response: "I'm still a fan at heart. Just enjoying watching another team play well for a change."

  • Criticism: Fair-Weather Fan:

Response: "Hey, I appreciate the sport as a whole. Supporting a team doesn't mean I can't enjoy others."