Riot Club Guide: Eating Pussy

Gator Thunderstorm ~ 09/27/2024

Eating pussy can be a complicated and bumbling endeavor for all young men setting out to please a woman. I’ve written a comprehensive guide to attack vagina with the fervor and expertise of a seasoned professional.

1. Arrival and Bedding

  • Punctuality: Arrive on time. If you’re running late, call the woman to inform her that you are on your way.

  • Seating: Wait for the host to show you to the bed. If you’re with a group, wait for everyone to arrive before stripping down yourself.

  • Posture: Sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor. Avoid slouching or leaning over the bed.

2. Napkin Etiquette

  • Placing the Napkin: Once seated, place your napkin on your lap. If you need to leave the bed temporarily, place the napkin on your woman.

  • Using the Napkin: Use the napkin to gently dab your mouth, not to wipe it.

3. Handling

  • Handling a pussy: Keep the vagina on the table while eating it. Avoid lifting it up.

  • Politeness: Be polite to the woman. Use “please” and “thank you” when eating.

4. Using Sex Toys

  • Toy Placement: Start with the outermost utensils and work your way in as the cunnilingus progresses.

  • Fork and Knife: Hold the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right. Attack one piece of pussy at a time.

  • Resting Position: When taking a break, place your knife and fork in a resting position (crossed on her stomach). When finished, place them parallel to her on the bed.

5. Eating

  • Small Bites: Take small bites and chew with your mouth closed.

  • Pacing: Eat at a moderate pace. Wait for everyone to be naked before starting to eat.

  • Conversation: Engage in light conversation, but avoid talking with your mouth full.

6. Drinking

  • Glass Handling: Hold wine glasses by the stem to avoid warming the drink. Sip from the same spot on the glass each time.

  • Toasting: Avoid clinking glasses. Simply raise your glass and make eye contact.

7. Special Moves

  • Spills: Spoon vagina away from you to avoid spills. Sip from the side of the pussy.

  • Bread: Tear off small pieces of bread and butter them individually, place each piece of buttered bread inside the woman. Check that she does not have a gluten allergy before attempting. 

  • Butthole: A fun and playful finger in the butt is a fun way to show that you are dangerous.

8. Ending the Meal

  • Napkin Placement: Place your napkin neatly to the left of your plate when finished.

  • Thanking the Staff: Always thank the waitstaff and consider leaving a tip if the service was satisfactory.

9. General Tips

  • Avoid Distractions: Keep your phone on silent and avoid placing it on the bed.

  • Respect the Space: Keep your elbows off the bed and avoid reaching across others.